Literally at the end of my tether now

I'm lying in bed watching Bad Teacher for the umpteenth time, with an empty bottle of rum. I'm not going to start on how pathetic it is that I've been sat on my own drinking like an old lush.

I'm generally fed up. I'm a year behind because I decided to focus on everybody else instead of myself and didn't ask for help when I bloody well needed it. In January I retook and still didn't get what I need so I'm stuck with another few months of the evil of A-Level Physics.

I can't get a job because I've got no experience. Obviously I've got no fucking experience because none of you dickwads will give me a job.

I have a volunteer position in school which is hard work but I don't even get paid for it. I'm giving up my time to do something I gain nothing for, I don't need the extra experience yet- but my home life is so fucking dull I literally have nothing better to do.

My friends are shit. We don't do anything and when we bloody do we're back home for half 10. They're the most antisocial bunch of people I've ever met in my life. The only two who actually bother with me are Katie and Chris- I could probably die tonight and none of the others would notice for three months.

My other best friend is in a mood which is annoying me because I'm powerless to help :/ and he lives too far away and I'm too poor to see him as much as I'd like.

I'm about as lucky in love as a one-legged, leper dwarf with a microdick. Literally nobody wants me. Apart from men. Do I have "Faggotron" tattooed on my forehead or something? Or do women just not like caring guys these days?

And I do the same fucking thing every day. Every FUCKING day. If its term time- wake up, go to work, come home, game, talk to friends, sleep. If its not term time just copy and late the above and delete "go to work".

I seriously need to make some fucking changes in my life, but every time I change something it makes literally no difference. I've changed so much the last few years and I'm still feeling shitter than I did then. The only good thing to come out of last year is Matty. That's it. Don't want to sound ungrateful, because I'm so fucking lucky he even bothers with me, considering most of my local "friends" don't even do that- then have the brass neck to bitch and moan when I say I prefer him to them. Try being fucking friends instead of memories then you cunts.

At the end of the day, I always put myself out for other people and it's wry rare that people do it for me. People say I should harden up, become more selfish, but then the same people will turn around when I do and call me selfish. Double standards much?

Anyway, fuck my little rant now, I'm fed up of this. Watching the end of this film then staring at the wall until i fall asleep.